Un - Avoiding

Decision made... but unsure of.

I came to a decision the other day... I guess you could say I have been approaching the decision from all angles while still avoiding it like a back hole for over two years.  

I still look at it as a hole in the floor, no longer a hole in the galaxy.  A hole to another level in our lives that I have only imagined.  

I harbor self created images as a best guess to the result.  Deep down, I know this best guess is elementary and not at all accurate of reality, but it is all I have.  I am scared to death... and at the same time so very excited.  

I am scared that I will change, knowing fully that I will.  Mike will change and so will our relationship.  There will be rough times. There will also be times that will far exceed all preceding "best days" we have lived before.  

I think the hardest thing about changing, is when you are happy with where you are.  I am so happy in my life right now.  That makes it easier on one hand and harder on the other.  I could be content living life everyday with Mike as we are now.  I would always wounder how good it could have been, with just a little more.  

We have already made moves toward this, but I never could say, "Alright... now is good."  That is, until right now.  And it makes my heart race and it makes me smile.

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