Melted

You threw your bowl at me this morning.

All Done!

Cue hysterical laughter.

Never mind that I was dressed 

and then had to change out of the yogurt splattered shirt.

Or that it managed to get in my hair.

After your time-out for throwing food, you came and gave me a big hug.

I sorry Mommy.

Hugs and your big dimpled grin.

Then, you wanted to "see" the baby.

Usually that means you want to play with my belly button and giggle.

Up went the shirt...

Instead, you started singing...

Twinkle Twinkle little star

up so high in the sky....

Twinkle, twinkle in the sky.

I melted into a puddle.

Week 14 of 52

Styleberry 

Firecracker Mama • Wicked Kate • What We're Saying
Love & Life • Finding Joy

Here

Spring is here!

I has been lovely outside.

Sunshine and breezes.

Pop-up thunderstorms and hail.

The ones that go right back to sunshine...

and leave that clean, green smell behind.

Seems like everyone is coming out of hibernation.

Our whole street was outside today.

Catching up on what happened over the winter.

It is like we have all been gone...

and are back in town finally.

A four year old from a few houses down came over to visit today.

She cracked me up...

You're having a little baby.  

Yep, I am.

My mommy said you were pregnant 

but told me I shouldn't ask - just in case.

In case what? I asked her - really curious now.

I guess, in case you were having something else.

Last wek it seemed like I was getting ready to go somewhere...

going somewhere...

was somewhere...

or heading back from somewhere the entire week.

Hoping to to just be here more this week.

Take more walks and play in the grass.

Happy Monday.

   å

Cupcakes, cookies and teeth

Cupcakes.

Eva calls them birthday cakes... and she is a huge fan.

She also requests the Happy Birthday Song by saying...

Sing Birthday Cake!

Michael and I sang the Happy Birthday song at dinner last night no less than 8 times.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••

So when I broke the tooth Friday...

I was really thinking quick fix.

Nope.

So, here is my confession.

Last time I had been to the dentist was right before I became pregnant with Eva.

Yeah - I know - 3 years.

Pregnancy, nursing the Eva-monster.

Second pregnancy with enormous amounts of vomiting.

Neglecting the dentist...

equals bad situation in the mouth.

So, I need 2 root canals.

I also need a host of other treatments.

A few minor cavities and some enamel erosion.

So, mommies out there.

I know you are super busy...

We make excuses.

I hate the dentist too.

But get to the dentist.

Make it a priority.

You are worth the time and so is your healthy smile.

Great news is that I love my new dentist!

Good thing because we are going to be seeing a lot of each other for a while.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••

24 weeks along with Deedle.

Kicking and a bumping along.

I look pregnant now. 

When I hug Michael - my belly touches first.

We have a lot of friends with babies on the way too.

There are some first timers and even a lot of second babies on the way.

Deedle is going to have lots of playmates.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Girl Scout cookies...

why?

You make me warm and fuzzy when I buy you.

Helping out the girls... 

it feels like charity.

Then I can't stop eating you.

I had half a box of cookies last night.

And now my supply is getting low.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Joining: Project52 : The "eyes" of March
Week 11 of 52

Styleberry 

Firecracker Mama • Wicked Kate • What We're Saying
Love & Life • Finding Joy

A Foot

Dear Deedle,

Hi little one.

This morning, I woke up early.

I sat in bed and watched the sun come up over the trees.

You were awake too...

stretching, dancing, rolling around.

I could see you making bumps and waves on the outside of my belly.

We talked.

I poked you back.

Sang you a song and said a little prayer.

You had your big check-up last week.

It was so amazing.

Everything is just right.

They surprised us with a 3D peak at you.

We had never seen an ultrasound like that.

Your little mouth and nose look just like your big sister's.

That little pout is the one she makes when she is asleep.

Her mouth doesn't relax like that very often, otherwise.

You also have a nice sized head.

It was measuring almost 2 weeks ahead of schedule.

The rest of you was right on track or a few days behind.

There is your little foot and toes.

You spent sometime using my bladder as a trampoline.

Those exact words of the ultrasound technician.

No wonder I always running to the bathroom.

Grow grow grow little one.

And move that head south, feet north...kay?

Love you tons and tons.

Joining: Communal Global and Sweet Shot

Hello

Dear Deedle,

I was just sitting here sorting through some files.

Cleaning... I think nesting has begun early. 

And you decided to say hello.

Tiny little thumps from the inside.

Stronger than they have been before.

I broke out in giggles.

And started talking to you.

Thump thump  

hi sweetie  

thump thump 

 how are things in there?  

thump thump

good, well things are good out here

thump thump

a little push with my hand...

thump thump thump

I wouldn't, couldn't move...

afraid it would stop.

It was very timely.

You see, your mommy is a huge klutz...

and she fell down the stairs yesterday.  

I landed on my butt, elbow and head...

and rode those body parts the rest of the way down.

I am so sore...

but nothing hurts close to you.

But I was a little worried.

And of course you were quiet last night...

probably comfy and cozy sleeping away.

So, hello back little one.

It was wonderful to talk to you.

Our first conversation was amazing.

Love, Mommy


  


Joining: Wordful Wednesday

Mirror

Michael and I bought a mirror tonight.

We have a big blank wall and it is driving him nuts.

So, while it was sitting in the kitchen floor...

I took some photos.

I got one before the monster found the mirror too.

I am still not really showing a bunch.

I just look like I put away a few bags of potato chips... family sized.

That is the way I was with Eva too.

Aahh... but soon, very soon.
I will be large.

Dancing and singing...

making crazy faces at herself.

Good thing this sucker is hanging high on the wall...

look at all those monster prints!

Joining: Project52 : Self Portrait
Frivolous Friday
and Embrace the Camera

Moments

•••

Yesterday was a hard mommy day and, for once, it wasn't because I was feeling horrible...

I was feeling just fine in fact.

The monster was a real monster.

Whining, yelling, crying, hitting kicking.

Throwing her self down on the the floor and being dead weight.

By the time 7:00 hit, I was spent.

I felt completely defeated and useless.

•••

Today was better... kinda.

This morning while I was getting her shoes in her closet...

she ran into the bathroom and turned on the water.

Clothes drenched.

So I redressed her...

after wrestling, chasing, wrestling and chasing some more.

We were almost ready to leave and I was packing her lunch...

Then, I hear the laugh from the kitchen.

The special "I am doing something wrong" laugh.

She had reached her bowl of oatmeal (that she refused to eat for breakfast) off the counter.

It was mashed all over her head, in her hair and on her arms.

It was everywhere... even in her ear.

She had to have a bath to get it out.

That meant changing her clothes for the third time that morning.

•••

Right now she is happily playing in her kitchen...

cooking her baby in the oven and feeding Cookie Monster a mushroom.

When she is cooking in her kitchen she doesn't like when I touch things.

I get that.

•••

I love pomegranate. 

I want it all the time.

I went to two groceries today and there were none.

Is it out of season already?

Please say it isn't so.

•••

Deedle is the size of an apple.

It feels like I constantly am going to bathroom.

I think it is because of said apple.

It is making sneezing and laughing tricky.

Up Deedle up.

•••

I can for sure feel Deedle move around in there.

This is way, way before I felt Eva moving.

It is so awesome.

It makes me giggle and laugh...

and run to the bathroom.

Joining: Life of Love...

after seeing Mereidith's post... thanks.

Dear Deedle

Hi Deedle.

Seems like it has been forever since I wrote you.

The holidays went by with the speed of light...

and here we are, 14 weeks along.

Friday I heard your heartbeat.

 We saw it on the ultrasound a month ago...

but I just realized this morning that was the first time I heard you.

There have been moments where I think I feel you.

They are so fleeting and fast that I just can't be sure.

If that is you...

Hello sweetheart!

If you could, make it last a little bit longer for confirmation.

Last night laying on my stomach, I felt like there was something under me.

I felt around for a sock or a wad of blanket.

Nope... just you.

That was fun.

I giggled and told your daddy.

I had my first day of not getting sick on Friday.

Thanks a lot for that.

Even though I was sick Saturday morning...

it is good to know that a whole day is possible.

More shall be coming down the pipeline, I am sure.

I picked up these little outfits the other day while Eva and I were thrifting.

There is nothing like a gown and a onesie that shouts tiny newborn.

In the basement, there is a tub of clothes.

The unisex newborn goodness that we had for your big sister.

I went through it over the summer and made sure only the good stuff was left.

A big part of me wants to run and add your things to the closet.

Rearrange some drawers and furniture.

Make a place for you.

But you have a place right now...

and you need to stay there quite a bit longer.

So I will wait...

and be content with washing and folding a little gown and a tiny onesie.

Hang tight and wiggle some more.

Love you.

Patient

Written December 6, 2011

Ok little one...

Your big sister is napping.

I was babysitting for a friend and they just left.

And now I am bawling my eyes out.

Why one might ask?

Toy Story 3.

It is a good movie for a 4 year old who is sad about his mommy being gone.

It is also a sneaky emotional movie, especially when you are pregnant and hormonal.

Babies grow up.

They turn into little kids.

Little kids grow up and go to college.

I know you might not even have eyelashes yet, 

but before you blink you will be walking and talking.

With your sister, I was so impatient.

9 months seemed way too long to wait to meet her.

Although I am so excited to meet you...

I am fine with having you be all snuggled inside for right now.

Time will be over before I know it...

and I am rushing nothing this time.

However, I think my hormones are high enough okay?

These Christmas commercials are making me misty.

Tiny

Written: November 11, 2010

Dear Deedle,

So we are humming along at 6 weeks.

You are about the size of one of those delightful red berries. 

That seems way too tiny to me.

Too tiny for what you are.

A great, big, huge deal.

We haven't told many people.

Just a few friends because I can't hold the secret in.

We are going to surprise the family on Thanksgiving.

Everyone will be together and there will be great food to celebrate.


I am trying not to be nervous... not to worry.
Tell myself that everything will be as it should be.


Then I try to think of other things.
Your big sister will throw her lunch on the floor to help me out.

I will forget for a tiny split second that you are in there growing.

Then, I get a flash of your existence and it almost overwhelms me.

I have squealed out loud when this has happened.
And then I giggle.

You make us very happy.

In a name

Written November 8, 2011

Dear Deedle,

Deedle was your sister's name.

Her name as she grew from being microscopic to 7 pounds of joy.

It no longer fits her...

for she quickly grew into being our monster.

Deedle always belonged to the excitement of the unknown.

The little creature that we had in our lives growing day-by-day, 

but still felt like we hadn't been properly introduced.

It is our baby growing name.

Your name until we get to meet on the outside.

It served you big sister well.

That would describe you now little one...

and think the monster would want to pass on her previous title.

So Deedle, hello.

Hang tight and grow.

Much love,

Your Mommy, Daddy and the Eva Monster.

  

Oh My

Written: November 1, 2011
Catching up...

Okay little one... 

your daddy was right.

You are really on your way here.

I haven't told anyone yet.

It is weird being the only one who knows.

I am shaking.

I went to bed last night at 10.

I wanted to go to bed at 8.

I haven't kept down breakfast or lunch.

Dinner is cooking and it makes me feel awful to smell it.

I took a test on Friday and it was negative.
The one the next day was negative too.

It made me cry.

Today it was positive.

Two big pink lines.

I am still crying.

Eva is going to be a big sister.

She is a monster, but you will love her so much.

July 4, 2012...

that is my estimate.

I can't wait to tell your daddy.

I am so very excited.

He is going to be over the moon.

It is all he wanted for his birthday...

2 days after, but I don't think he will mind at all.

Lately

We are excited.

Super, over-the-moon excited.

We found out on the first day of November.

Michael had been claiming it to be true for a while before that.

I had been getting sick for a few days.

The tests were all negative, so I thought I was fighting a virus.

Nope, not a virus.

Michael was right.

This is my spot.

My couch spot. 

Because I am still getting sick.

I thought I had morning sickness with Eva.

Boy, was I was a whiney baby then.

I have "tossed my cookies" more times in one day this time than the entire last pregnancy.

I still smile about it...

hormones high enough to make me this sick are good things.

Well, I smile most of the time.

I did start crying in Chipotle's parking lot last night.

Being hungry and not wanting to eat is a horrible feeling.

We are making it.  Eva is a trooper.

She has watched a little more TV than normal, but hasn't complained about it.

Our little one is due in July.

July 4th by my dates and July 13th by measurements.

Eva measured a week smaller than we thought in her first ultrasound.

Later, they put her closer to our first due date.

Dates don't matter much anyway.

Eva thinks that everyone has a baby in their belly.

It cracks me up.

Especially when she goes looking for grampa's baby.

It has giving him a complex...

he says he needs to loose a few pounds now.

So, lately things have been a little slower.

Except when I have been running to the bathroom.

I have been napping a lot.

Going to bed early.

I am hoping this nausea turns the corner soon.

The doctor gave me a lecture and is expecting the scales to go the other way next time.

Me too.

But things couldn't be more awesome.

 

Hello

So very nice to see you.

  

Before

The last time these toes were at the beach...

they were pregnant toes.

We didn't know until we were home... 

but Deedle was there, growing.

Now there is a family at the beach... very nice.

To the Old Me

Right before this moment, I was scared, terrified...

I was not the motherly type...

I had worked really hard to get my office and title...

I had a few close friends who were parents...

I like kids...

but I wasn't comfortable with babies.

They scared me.

Many people, including myself, were worried about what kind of mother I would be.

This was one of the reasons I waited so long to have a baby.

I was one of those people that said, "I could be happy never having a baby."

I loved my life, it was great just the way it was.

There were times where I thought having a baby was the worst idea ever.

Don't get me wrong, I did have good ideas of babies on occasion... but they were fuzzy and not something I thought could be reality.

Michael wanted babies and he was destined to be the best dad ever... 

Then this moment happened...

This was the moment... the world shifted.

I was a mom.  

I was made for this.  This tiny creature was ours.  

 Mine.  Me.

The definition of "me" expanded.  The outline of my body blurred and grew to include this little monster.

She was me... us.

People say that your heart  grows... expands.

My heart grew to replace every cell of my body.  My ears listened for her, my finger tips ached to touch her,  my toes sweat in worry for her to stay healthy.  I loved her with every cell in me.

I would have loved to tell myself:

worry less, you will be good at this... better than anyone would ever guess

wear a bikini... baby belly = stretch marks galor

you have never really worked your hardest before this little one
you will get sleep someday and you can function with less than you ever thought possible

you are stronger than you give yourself credit for

your career does not define you

being a mom will make you a better person
you will know what is right for your baby - somehow you just know

Michael is an amazing and loving father and husband

you will be happier than you ever thought possible

Lastly...

What were you waiting for!

What is New

Well, since Wednesday, I have been put on bed rest. I went to my doctor's appointment and my blood pressure was really high. Since I have had normal-low blood pressure the entire pregnancy - they were concerned. Then my urinalysis now had some protein. I was put in a room to lay on my side for a while and had my blood pressure rechecked. Still high... but better.

By the time the doctor came in and finally checked me - and told me there was no real change from last week in dilation - and told me the news on the bed rest - I was not doing well. Then she started talking about the induction date of February 3rd and the possibility of having to induce sooner.

I was sent home with a brown jug to collect urine for 24 hours, an order for blood work and a list of what blood pressure to call the nurse and when to go straight to the ER.

I had a breakdown in the parking garage.

Friday - all tests result came back okay. My blood pressure has not been normal - but it hasn't been as high as the office visit. All good news.

I am quite bored at home. I have ran a few errands - nothing that takes me a long time, but for my own sanity - I need to get out of the house. As long as my blood pressure doesn't go up - I think getting out of the house is good for me.

I have worked on the Deedle to-do-list while off and there are only a few things left:

• clothes 0-3 months washed
• towels and bath clothes washed
• blankets and linens washed
• clothes - 3 to 6 months washed
• delivery bag packed
• postpartum bag packed
• hospital music downloaded and ready
• house closet cleaning
• house cabinet and drawer cleaning
• contact list made
  
• car cleaned - detailed cleaning
• car seat installed - Michael's car and checked
• car seat installed - my car and checked
• preregistration at hospital
• baby book updated
• new baby book - first 3-5 years - found and purchased
• baby shower thank you's sent
• finish "The Happiest Baby on the Block"
• bra fitting - or just more bras purchased
• photo session - or just some pictures taken of Michael and I
• hair cut
• pedicure - done myself

Not too bad... almost done.

I have been constantly looking for a baby book. Ours ends at birth... so I would like one to keep for the first few years. Some of the books are SO big and I don't want to have so much blanks to fill out - because I know me and I will not complete it all and be disappointed when I don't.

Tomorrow - goal is to clean my car. That way when Michael gets home the car eat can be installed. Take a few more belly shots and a load of laundry... good to go... so lets get moving labor!

Okay, slowly, ever so slowly - you have been letting me know that you are getting ready to be ready to finally meet us.

If this is any indication of your personality, then impatient mommy is going to out numbered by you and daddy. Laid back and steady - what great baby traits to have!

If you kicks, bucks and mini fits during hiccups are the real indicator, then mommy is in for a little her... a planner, a doer and a bit impatient. Ok, ok sometimes more than a bit impatient than just a little.

I am really hoping that you get a little of both. Daddy and I really balance each other out well.

Everyone was afraid you would come early - because that is what I did. I decided I was ready 6 weeks too soon. Once you know your mommy - this isn't too hard to imagine.

Your daddy was a day late - that isn't hard to imagine either. Funny how that works... it might just be a big coincidence, but it is one that I like.

You are so tight in there right now, my belly is permanently lopsided. You have your backside on my left and hands and feet on my right. When you get mad (and kick your little feet and wave your little hands) - you calm down when I rub your back. I can feel your little body so well, it feels like I could just reach out and hold you. I can't wait to do that - hold you and kiss you.

Almost time little one....

Love, Mommy

Work in Progress

The doctors appointment today showed some progress. We are dilated to 2 cm and 50% effaced. So today I finished a few more things on the list. I still have a lot more - hopefully Saturday I will be able to knock out a lot of cleaning and getting the car seats installed. If Deedle plans on arriving before that - the rest will take care of its self... or at least we will get it all figured out somehow.

* clothes 0-3 months washed
* clothes 3-6 months washed

* towels and bath clothes washed
* blankets and linens washed
* delivery bag packed
* postpartum bag packed

* hospital music downloaded and ready

* house closet cleaning

* house cabinet and drawer cleaning

* contact list made

* car cleaned - detailed cleaning

* car seat installed - Michael's car and checked

* car seat installed - my car and checked

* preregistration at hospital

* baby book updated

* new baby book - first 3-5 years - found and purchased

* baby shower thank you's sent
* finish "The Happiest Baby on the Block"

* bra fitting

* photo session - or just some pictures taken of Michael and I

* hair cut
* pedicure - done myself

We are more or less patiently waiting your arrival Deedle. See you soon!