Compare

I have been doing this a lot... comparing.

Looking at others and finding a whole lot of "-er" words.

better

nicer

thinner

prettier

calmer

happier

And then there are the "mores"

more prepared

more organized

more knowledgeable

more friends

more fun

When I was working, I had plenty of measures.

My boss, my students, my contacts.

If I did a good job - I knew it.

If I screwed something up... boy I really knew it.

I had percentages, test scores, results all to tell me...

affirming my time and energy were being of good use.

This mommy job is different.

There are no charts or scales.

No one waiting in the wings to applaud.

No nasty phone calls to handle when you drop the ball.

A good day ends almost the same as a bad day...

hopefully a sleeping baby and a few hours to relax.

An "X" on the calendar and on to the next.

There are quiet affirmations...

but these are easily missed.

There isn't a yardstick...

so you hold yourself up against others.

Measure...

Compare...

Compete...

Sometimes it makes you feel good...

but not for long.

The majority of the time...

especially lately...

the winner of the comparison competition is not myself.

Everyone else is doing something better than me.

I am losing.

But what am I losing?

Oh, that's right...

this made-up, imaginary

 me against them thing in my head.

That's dumb.

These comparisons are useless.

They do harm.

They are not nice.

There is always a loser.

They are flat and shallow.

We don't need to be better than someone else.

What we do need to be is...

better...

nicer...

calmer...

happier...

with ourselves.

Take care.