10.07.2010

To the Old Me


Right before this moment, I was scared, terrified...

I was not the motherly type...

I had worked really hard to get my office and title...

I had a few close friends who were parents...

I like kids...

but I wasn't comfortable with babies.

They scared me.

Many people, including myself, were worried about what kind of mother I would be.

This was one of the reasons I waited so long to have a baby.

I was one of those people that said, "I could be happy never having a baby."

I loved my life, it was great just the way it was.

There were times where I thought having a baby was the worst idea ever.

Don't get me wrong, I did have good ideas of babies on occasion... but they were fuzzy and not something I thought could be reality.

Michael wanted babies and he was destined to be the best dad ever... 

Then this moment happened...


This was the moment... the world shifted.

I was a mom.  

I was made for this.  This tiny creature was ours.  

 Mine.  Me.

The definition of "me" expanded.  The outline of my body blurred and grew to include this little monster.

She was me... us.

People say that your heart  grows... expands.

My heart grew to replace every cell of my body.  My ears listened for her, my finger tips ached to touch her,  my toes sweat in worry for her to stay healthy.  I loved her with every cell in me.

I would have loved to tell myself:

worry less, you will be good at this... better than anyone would ever guess
wear a bikini... baby belly = stretch marks galor
you have never really worked your hardest before this little one
you will get sleep someday and you can function with less than you ever thought possible
you are stronger than you give yourself credit for
your career does not define you
being a mom will make you a better person
you will know what is right for your baby - somehow you just know
Michael is an amazing and loving father and husband
you will be happier than you ever thought possible

Lastly...

What were you waiting for!

9 comments:

Suzanne said...

I know!!! What the HECK was I waiting for?? ;)

emerson-j said...

beautiful ;)

silvia said...

Wow, I've got tears in my eyes and most of all because it was like reading my own self thinking out loud!
This is so wonderful and I am thankful you have shared it. have a great weekend.

Rici said...

I love it. Beautifully written! Definitely have tears in my eyes!

C.Mom said...

oh my gosh----- this was eloquent! Thank you for your honesty and reflection!

Heidi said...

Love this. The juxtaposition of emotions in the photos is beyond perfect. Beautiful.

Nikki said...

I know exactly how you feel. I couldn't write this better myself.

Kate said...

Beautiful.

Chelsey - The Paper Mama said...

That was very sweet. Wonderful photo.