7.31.2011

Picking

We must give more in order to get more. 
It is the generous giving of ourselves 
that produces the generous harvest. 
Orison Swett Marden

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Our tomatoes are coming in everywhere.
There are hundreds of cherry tomatoes...
with dozens becoming ripe and ready every day.

There are also a few bigger guys turning...
losing their bright green 
turning yellow and a little orange on the edges.

And I am feeling selfish...
not at all generous.

I had a thought today...
"Oh I will pick some tomatoes and take them to our neighbor."

Then as soon as the thought entered my mind...
I worried that I would not have enough.
There will be more in a few days, then I would take her some.

It is pretty ugly...
who hoards tomatoes?
Especially when you plants are so loaded down they are leaning.

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I do.
I am hoarding tomatoes.
I am nasty with greed and selfishness.

I go out and weed.
Carefully moving the branches so that not one tomato is crushed.
Picking the ripe ones gingerly so that their skin does not break.

As I sit in the sun, sweating.
I am calculating the bigger harvest yet to come.

All the while, the monster is picking them.
Green, yellow... it doesn't matter.
She is picking them and handing them to me.
Sharing.

Why?
Because there are plenty where that came from...
and she knows I like them.

And I see all the tiny green tomatoes...
and think what a loss.
How selfish.

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This selfishness is spilling over into other areas.
I want to run off to a far away place and just be...
without requests for time, or help, or my precious tomatoes.

I don't want to reach out...
my arms feel weighed down with the effort.
Over stretched and drooping.

I want to pull it all back in tight.
I want more time for me, more time for Michael and I...
and more time for our family.

But all of that can't even happen together...
you can't put more in one area without something else having to give.

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I guess if you hold your hands in tight...
instead of reaching out...
you don't get much of anything.

Not even a green tomato.

Joining: Sunday Citar

14 comments:

Ashlee said...

So cute! I love home grown tomatoes, they are the best.

Hair Bows & Guitar Picks said...

So so cute!

Adrienne said...

It's a struggle...the "if one more person asks me one more thing" struggle. The desire to be generous lives in conflict with the strain that comes from stretching ourselves and emptying ourselves again and again. Thanks for opening up this corner of you...can relate. Love the innocence of the child who just gives. No analysis!! Great post!

Little Mochi said...

So true! Love the photos of your little helper and a terrific post.

Cari said...

Gosh you're good Nessa! This is one of my all time favorites.

No advice to give. Other than live in the moment. I struggle with the same thing too. Finding balance is so hard, and often the burdens weigh us down the most.

And, your green tomatoes are making me hungry for fried green tomatoes, oh so good. I think I'll hit up the farmer's market today:)

Rocio Esmeralda said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rocio Esmeralda said...

♥♥♥⋱¸¸.·´¯`✫ ☆
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵Ʒ..•°*"˜ ~ ♥~Beautiful~♥~
.(ړײ)/       
.«▓       
..╝╚ …..♥ ☆ ♥

Love that quote!

Olivia Grace said...

Such a lovely post and a beautiful reminder! And I love your precious helper, what a big girl!!

azjuleseleven said...

APPLAUSE PLEASE!!! Nessa what a beautiful post! Your writing talent is exploding all over the page.

Heidi said...

I see this with my girls too; the just doing what's in their heart, in the moment without hesitation or motive. It is beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time. You are such a lovely person Nessa, I just adore you. You can be selfish in your mind and giving in your actions. Balance will be restored. All is not lost and things are gonna be OK, my friend.

Meredith said...

Oh yes, I totally understand.

renee said...

Beautifully written.

Lyryn said...

I wanted to grow tomato so BAD this year... but didn't do it in enough time. NEXT YEAR!

Carol said...

Your words are like poetry. I think we all struggle with the selfishness...missing our "me" time, missing "couple time" and then still wanting more family time. Life will balance out - the sheer weight of time will bring us what we need.