My husband works a lot.
Some weeks more than others...
but on average we top 80 hours a week easily.

Our grandma always jokes that I am a widow 
with a occasional overnight boyfriend.
Sounds pretty steamy right?  She cracks me up.

I try to make the most of the times he is at home.
Sometimes I do well, other times...
I get a little lonely.

You would think that being lonely
would make me more appreciative of the time he is home, right?

I get lonely and then I get angry.
I get focussed on the bad...

A shower were the monster is unrolling the toilet paper and I can't stop her 
because I have soap in my eye.

A bathroom "break" where I hear a crash from the other room 
and pray for minimal blood.

Running out of a fitting room with no pants on 
because the monster crawled under the door.

Nights where I get up 15 times to make sure the door is locked...
and sleep with a knife because I watched an episode of 48 hours.

I start to think that it isn't fair.
I shouldn't be alone all the time.

I get resentful.
I become a spoiled little brat.

Then I get a reality check.
I am not alone all of the time.


Michael is more than a just present father when he is home.
He is an awesome father...
playing the best games of chase and making the best chocolate milk.

When he is gone - he is only a phone call away.
He calls and checks in - does a video call with Eva.

When he is home, 
he offers up time for me to be alone.

It is a hard choice.
Choosing to moments to myself and missing moments with him.
But I get a choice.

I am so very lucky...
and I remember that -  most of the time.

Some of my favorite blogs are a reminder for me.
They are single parents.
The real kind.

They don't have a choice.
They don't have a choice and they live with more grace than I do.

So thank you Cari (the coolest single mama)...
who introduced me to Beard (the coolest single dad).

You can read about Cari here: Bubble Gum on My Shoe
and about Beard here: Beard and Pigtails

I get a lot of inspiration from the photos and stories of all the blogs I read.
Sometimes I also get a little slap on the knuckles letting me know that I am being a brat.

Thanks for both everyone.

A special thanks to a blogger that has become my phone friend.
You situation and the amazing love for your little ones are constant lessons to me.


Lori said...

First of all that shot of Eva is gorgeous! Second of all I'm an even bigger brat. My husband works long shifts so he's completely absent half the wk then he's off the other half. But he gets called in a lot on those days and I am so possessive of that time. He definitely doesn't reach 80 hrs! And I always think of women whose husbands are deployed and missing their child's first year or other milestones. I couldn't do it. Keeping perspective is hard but it sounds like you are doing a great job at it!

theolivetree said...

My husband isn't home a few days a week so I hear you on the "events" of the day...however when he is home he is home all day. We tease people the reason we have such a wonderful marriage and get along so well is b/c we don't see each other everyday...lol.

hannah singer said...

oh! sending you a huge hug. my husband works all. the. time. too and i feel the same way so very often. this season is very difficult for me, thanks for this encouragment today!! xo

Carol said...

Nessa - Love the line about how you feel alone, but you aren't really alone. I've been here. When my husband played ball he was gone six months of the year, and one year he went to mexico to play. I remember feeling like a single momma, having those fears in the night - what if something happens to me and no one knows that baby is in her crib?? - I don't know if there will ever come a day when he works less hours, but there are still plenty of reasons to be thankful. Love to you, friend!

Kristy Life-n-Reflection said...

Ahh, you're not alone. I love your photography!

Cari said...

Nessa!!! Yes, you are the biggest brat I know! Whatever, you sweet thing. You know it's okay to feel like that right? It's okay to WANT to be with your husband, that's a good thing trust me. And I think sometimes it makes it harder to parent when there is another parent in the picture, because it could be easier.

Besides toddlers are put on this Earth to drive us nuts, or prepare us for the teenage years. Whichever.

You are one of the best Mommies I know, and you hands down have the cutest monster EVER!

You're always an inspiration to me, my friend. Thank you. {Hugs}

Cari said...

Oh yes, and I love your new blog design!

Kelly said...

I think we're all allowed to be brats sometimes. Linc works weird hours (but nothing nearly like Michael) and a lot of the time when he's home he's still working. I get really angry and resentful too. I want those five minutes of peace when he gets home from work but I don't want to miss out on family time either!

myriahmae said...

You are not a brat...my hubby used to work out of town for weeks at a time and it was not easy...try to not behard on yourself...and tryto enjoy him when he is home!

angie on maui said...

This is so beautifully written and such a wonderful shift in perspective.

I am not a parent so I won't pretend to know or understand the stress of caring for a little one, but I will say that I am so inspired by all you Mommas out there. You have the hardest job in the world and I have so much respect for you!

I will admit that I am a little embarrassed and feeling ashamed after reading your honest post; my husband and I don't have children and he works a lot (not 80 hours a week, but a lot) and I often throw temper tantrums because I am selfish and want more of him. Thank you for the reminder and a slice of humble pie!

Stopping by from We Encourage...nice to meet you! :)

Amanda said...

My husband is a fireman. He is gone 24 hrs at a time. Sometimes longer depending on how bad the fire season is.

I have gotten use to it. The kids and I just press forward and know daddy is the pastor/leader/provider in our home. We just keep our eyes on the Lord because He is the True Father.

Eunora said...

Thank you for sharing this! It is so easy to have pitty parties for ourselves. It's when I focus inward (when I'm being selfish) that this occurs for me. Oh that I would focus more on the many things I have to be thankful for and the goodness of who God is! Thank you for the reminder.
Because of Jesus,

Beard said...

Thanks Nessa!

Cari let me in on a little secret awhile back...she said that Nessa has a heart of pure gold. And who am I to argue?

There are different challenges in duel and single parent households, I've learned you just kind of have to learn to cope, deal with it and go with the flow.


P.S. You're not a brat, but I have one available you can borrow for a couple days if you'd like so I can have a break.

Melanie said...

Nessa hey sweet friend. I can relate to your entire post! Yes, like you I am so thankful for my Greg, & how hard he works for us. But it is not easy. It is not always all rosey. But we are a family, we do have eachother to lean on, & this is the life I want & the beautiful people I get to share it with. ~ At least that's the talk I always give myself. lol.

Monster is getting so big, & somehow cuter and CUTER.

Anonymous said...

Nessa, the honesty in your blog continues to root me. You are doing a fantastic job, in life and in general. Continue to write, continue to inspire. You're on the path girl!!!!

Hanna said...

I grew up with my dad being gone for about three months at a time and then home for about three months. It literally felt like I had two different families b/c when dad was home mother & I had our own rules & routine. When daddy came home there was another set it seemed. Sometimes I actually wish my husband worked off from time to time, b/c I think the break would be good. I say that b/c we get zero time alone. Well, at least I do. I'm either at work with people or at home with hubby and kids or just home with kids while he is gone. I would love my 100% ALONE time once in a while! Guess there are pros & cons to everyone's situation.

Breeann said...

Thank you for your comment on my blog :)\

What a great reminder of how we should value our spouses :)

kristance ann said...

aww, dear friend i love you! and i value our chats very much. you inspire and encourage me immensley.