3.28.2012

About religion

I share a lot here...
but not a everything.
One of the things that I rarely speak of is my faith.

Partly because I treat this space as a kinda scrapbook...
Just snapshots and triggers to hold a memories.

More of us as a family, and my part in it... 
less about the just me.

And because it is such a tricky thing... religion.
it is kinda touchy.
it is really personal.
it can be inclusive and exclusive.
it can be judgmental.
it is such and individual journey... faith.

I am not, and may never be... 
a person that feels like I am authoritative enough to write about it.
Not in the beautiful transparent way others do.

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In my own journey through this life, it has ebbed and flowed...
grown and shrank and grown again.

I am finally making it to a place where I am confident in what I believe.
A stronger, more settled faith that feels good.
One that is just right for me.

I finally have a little etching of who God is...
who He is to me and what that means.
He is a lot bigger than I thought before.

I always knew He was huge.
But I had always tried to put it all in a neat little box.

Defined and scripted.
Black and white.
True and not true...
tied in perfect little bow.

When something didn't fit, didn't feel right.
I thought that something was wrong.
With me, with others, with my church, with God.

It made me question things I didn't have to.
Worry about things that I shouldn't.

I am in a different place now.
I have found what is true and right for me.
Growing into a lovely place in my beliefs and my faith.

I have found my small part of this bigger God.
He is way bigger in this human world than I thought before.

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Complex and varied...
Grays and rainbow colors.
A lot less wrongs and a lot more rights.

What is fits for me, doesn't have to fit for anyone else.
It is all just right... however it is packaged.

He is bigger than that box...
bigger than I can understand.

Like the wind, or water...
He fills in the spots that are made for Him.
He just fits.

And like a winding river...
lake or puddle after a hard rain...
like the expansive ocean.

The spaces he fills are different for everyone.

Some peoples' spaces are still neat and tidy...
some are full of interesting artifacts and a little dusty...
some are beautifully defined...
some are just beginning to find their way...
some are old and seasoned...
some are new and tiny.

But they are all more similar than different...
and they are all bigger than just me or us.

The are all beautiful.






13 comments:

Heather @ Life Made Lovely said...

such a great post nessa and i'm so glad you linked it up!
the silhouettes of your family against the aquarium is so perfect!!

Katie @ minivan diva said...

I love how you have shared your perspective and what you have learned along your journey here.

Melanie said...

You said this all just perfectly. Beautiful post Nessa.

Gorgeous shots of monster, daddy, & fishy's too!)

allenaim photography and design said...

...and yet you DID just write about it in that beautiful transparent way others do...

Allison said...

I have never posted before but read your blog for your poetry. You make life sound so lovely and remind me of how lovely my life is. Thank you.

Rici Reid said...

Beautiful my sweet friend. Simply beautiful. Love you!

Chelsea M said...

I love the way you write and I look forward to every post!

Adrienne said...

well...first of all ~ the photos are amazing! The silhouette, the vibrant colors - stunning. And I drank in every word you wrote. I love that you shared this piece of your heart with us ... it means so much to travel with a fellow journeyman. {also, just finished a book called "Windows of the Soul" by Ken Gire that I think you'd really enjoy!}

misc.alaina said...

This really is beautifully written. I also shy away from putting into words anything about my faith or my beliefs! You did a wonderful job depicting how very different religion is for each person!

May said...

The images are exactly right for your words. They illustrate God's bigness so wonderfully.

Jade @ Tasting Grace said...

I'm glad you've found that space. And this? This, is beautifully written, and beautifully shared. Thank you.

Hyacynth said...

I really think this is one of those beautifully written pieces about faith. Isn't it lovely when He grows our faith bigger than the box so we can see a God who is definitely much bigger than the box? Beautifully worded and expressed. Glad to meet you through BPM. :)

Adriel (The Mommyhood Memos) said...

beautiful nessa. and courageous.