4.12.2012

Today

I worked today.
Normally when I drop Eva off, she runs happily away.
By Bye Mommy.

Not today.
No No Mommy, please no.
It wasn't the first time she fussed, but it was the first time she begged me not to leave.

My heart broke a little.
Then, as I got in the car, it broke some more.

I thought about it all on the rest of my drive.
How things were now...
and how they were supposed to be.

Me, just working a day here and there, for a little bonus money...
instead of 50 plus hours a week as the main earner in our home.
I was feeling really thankful by the time I made it to work.

me
work bathroom belly shot

Being reminded of our old plan.
Everyday, I would have been dropping her off and rushing off to work.

I know so many people do it, and they do it so well, with such grace.
i had wanted to keep my career... thought it would have been just fine.
But today was a great big reminder on how hard it would have been.

We left the house at 6:45 am this morning...
and we were running late.

I got to work at 8:30...
I should have been there 45 minutes before that.

I left close to 4:30...
Eva and I were home by 6:00.

A normal day I wouldn't leave until 5:30... 
home by 7:00.

Eva in bed at 8:00.
Just one hour with her...

basement
the hospital basement
I sent Michael a message...
thanking him for making our lives the way they are now.
Supporting us, supporting me and our decision.

Giving up our old plan for this new one.
Taking it all in stride and making it work.
Working more hours and sacrificing more of his time so there is more time for us.

The three of us thank you so much.


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20 comments:

Adrienne said...

I was fortunate enough to have worked from my home until they were both almost out of high school. I do the 9-5 thing now...and even without kids at home, it's a struggle for me to be out of the house every day. I know there are so many women who do it all with such strength and grace, but I am soooo grateful to have had all those years at home with my kiddos! (and you are one pretty pregnant lady!!)

Olivia Grace said...

You look so beautiful!! You are positively glowing!

Beard said...

Good work Nessa, that's a nice love letter to both your husband and your daughter.

islandfairy said...

You look great Nessa! Thanks for leaving your comment on my blog. And I feel very grateful, like you. I too never thought I'd be able to stay home with the kids but thanks to my husband I can.

Lish said...

Beautiful photo of you, love your baby bump :) Your right, being thankful for what we are able to do when someone is not so fortunate. I am so happy that I can stay at home with my kids and not have to rush them in the morning to make it to daycare and rush back to get them to rush to get supper ready and barely spend anytime with them...this life is so much better :) Thanks so much for this post!

Rici Reid said...

Beautiful, Mama! Simply beautiful!! Love you all!

Mahina and Lucas said...

Such a great photo of you and that bump! BTW, I have that same iPhone case!

little macaroon. said...

What a lovely piece. I too sacrificed my career when I had my daughter, and I am so thankful for that every day, but I couldn't write it nearly as nicely as you have. Everytime I think about the daily routine of some of my friends who are full time working mums, I think "how on earth do they fit it all in?" followed very quickly by enormous gratitude that my husband provides for us and doesn't put any pressure on me to do more than one job - being a Mum is more than enough job for me!

CurvyEveryday said...

You look beautiful. Prefnamcy suits you. Such a sweet note. It's a hard balance. I made the decesion to stay at home after number 2. I realized I missed out on many things with my daughter. We find a way to make it work, but somedays I really miss it and miss the comfort of the extra salary. But it is so worth it for us right now even though it's the hardest job I've ever had ;)

CurvyEveryday said...

Sorry for the typos, trying to type with one thumb.

Sarah said...

I remember thinking when my son was 6 weeks old, "I don't know how mommas go back to work at this point." I can't imagine not seeing him all day! I'm very thankful I get to be home with him. I know my husband wishes he had more than the hour or two in the evenings. (Stopping by from the UBP...)

Amy Willa said...

You look amazing, mama! I share the sentiment of being very thankful for my husband's role in our lives - not only does he sacrifice so much of his time (much of it away from us!) and patience and hard work in the military to provide a steady income, earning potential, and benefits for the three of us at home, but he finds such JOY in us when he is home. . . he's an all around stellar hubby, and your post reminded me that I really should tell him that more :)

Thinking of you and your gorgeous lil family!

...melody... said...

Beautiful photo of you and your baby bump! :) I so want to be a stay at home mum one day, but it doesn't seem likely. I'm glad you are able to make it happen though. Enjoy it!!

Adriel (The Mommyhood Memos) said...

So glad you can do what you love and be at home with your girl, and yet still have your days here and there "out there" too. Sad day, days like that when bubby is so sad to see you go. :(
You look beautiful by the way.

Gina @ Gigi Marie Photography said...

Definitely sacrifices & changes going on. So glad you are able to do it- love your selfie!!

Becki Little said...

I worked full time for a year after I had my son. .. and it was the hardest year of my life. It was really hard to change direction and find my worth after leaving the workforce, but watching my son grow up is the greatest gift ever!
I love the format of your blog and the manner in which you communicate.
Found you through UBP. Thank you!

Sheila @ Seasoned Joy said...

What a wonderful interpretation of the theme! And you've got such a cute belly shot. :)

Carissa Marie said...

You look wonderful!!

Adeena said...

You are so cute! :D Love the baby bump.

I'm one of those who would have an incredibly hard time leaving mine. So thankful I don't have to. :)

Randalin. said...

You look incredible :)

Kale sometimes cries a little when I drop him off, but 99% of the time he barely has time to say goodbye before rushing off to play with his friends. Regardless, those days of tears never get easier!