18

18 years with you and I wouldn't have it any other way.  

We had grand plans for tonight. 
Sneak in an extra dinner out, talk about the podcast and book we have been reading. 
Soak up conversation and time alone.

But as it goes with us, the kiddos had other ideas. 
Up way too late yesterday, the edges started to fray early and went up like a brush fire
full of tears, crying and emotions.

So you are picking up ramen, and I am typing this as I sooth over some of the edges on the kids.
I am still very excited to sit across from you at the table, probably sharing mine with half of the kiddos
and talk in and around them.

But still it is with you.

I will alway choose you.

Typing Again

A little while ago, to show Eva an old photo, I came back to the blog.
She asked me why I stopped writing.
Then, dissatisfied with my answer, told me I should start again.

She is what brought me here in the first place.
A place to save the stories and to hold onto the memories a little tighter.
It seemed fitting, on her birthday, to come back to writing again. 

Writing to Eva.

Dear one, you turn 12 today. 

Looking for a recent photo of of you, I have lots of pictures in-between to get to you now. 
My camera roll used to be mostly of your sweet face .
Camera shy now unless making crazy faces and taking selfies with your friends. 
Only letting me take this one because Mr. Benjamin was snuggling you
and you wanted it documented.

A lot has happened in 12 years.
Since we walked into the hospital on that cold January morning.
So excited to meet you, our little human, our Deedle.
Your dad and I vibrated down the halls.
Very clueless about this baby raising gig
and even more ignorant of how very clueless we were.
We were ecstatically so.

Of all the things that have changed me the most in my life,
I think almost every single one can be traced to you, to Eva.
Being your mom has made me better, stronger and wiser
than any course, class or self help book could.
Like it or not, you are the very reason Eva isn't an only child
- although you wish for on occasion.
Having 4 kiddos wasn't in my plan, but you changed my mind. 

Over the last year I have learned even more about you.
How did you keep it a secret from me how shy and reserved you are out in the world?
And also, how could I think "real world" Eva and "at home" Eva would be exactly the same?
You listen and take-in all that is around you.
Get nervous and stage fright to the point of sickness.
Somehow manage to look cool as a cucumber when it is showtime. 

The courage and fight you have in that tiny and very long body of yours,
makes me dig deep for my own.  
The way you stand up for what is right
and push back against what isn't is a truly beautiful sight to behold.
You brave girl, push me back on my heels,
make me proud and amazed at the same time.

As we enter into these teen years, I know the learning has just begun for me.
I trust you to lead the way, and know I will love you and walk beside you through it.
Even, Eva when you become taller than me. 
Only 1/2 inch to go.  

Happiest Birthday my Eva.

surprise

Arriving July 2017!!!

That's right folks, we are going to be a family of 6 this summer!

We are super excited and can't wait to meet this little person that will complete our family. 

We found out November 1st, but waited to tell the kids right before Christmas.  

The kiddos are all convinced we are having a baby brother.  No matter how we try and explain that it is pretty much a 50/50 split on being a boy or girl, they aren't listening.  Only time will tell, I guess.  Michael and I are very tempted to see what this little one is at the ultrasound, but breaking a tradition of delivery room surprise is tough.  We have a few more weeks before we have to decide... 

Eva has been asking for another baby since Helena was born.  She likes all things to be even, and three as you know is not an even number.   We were pretty sure we were all done a year ago.  Sure to the point we passed on baby and maternity things.  Our family of 5 was feeling perfect. 

Then the kids started asking and asking.  They quickly recruited their daddy on their team.  I was coming along to the idea, but I was quite surprised to see it happen for real.  Lets just say that sometimes those handy tracking apps can be really, really wrong. 

So here we are, second trimester and counting.  I am finally feeling human again and it is wonderful.  I think this has been the sickest pregnancy so far, and I was feeling that advanced maternal age, hardcore. There have been significant baby thumps felt and even Michael has felt this wiggle-worm a time or two.  It was extremely exciting to feel them this early.  Grow Deedle grow.

first season

First year of soccer for Theo is in the books.

Lots of hilarious antics as four and five year-olds stormed the field every Saturday.

There were side games of Star Wars, tag and who can do a cartwheel being played at any given time.

Water breaks were when ever someone decided to get up and leave the field.  Parents took turns pointing kids in the right direction, constantly reminding them to stand up, and not to pick up the ball.

You scored two goals: one that was in the wrong net and the other was from mid-field...

it slowly rolled past all the other backfield players - who were playing a game of what looked like freeze tag - that by the time in went in, none of the kids were paying attention.  It was technically an assisted goal, because it bounced off another kids foot, but she was trying to do a flip and not looking in the direction of the ball at all.  But I give you full credit.

It was a great first season.

Halloween

Dressing up, going to grandma and grandpa's, and getting loads of candy.

Three of my favorite people favorite things.

No wonder they are all smiles.

You guys reallylike handing out candy too.  Spreading the love.

Happy Halloween!

birthday

Knowing that the moment all three kiddos sang Happy Birthday to you, 

together, three times in a row, 

was one of the best parts of your birthday...

That is why your the very best husband and dad in our world - as Eva would say.

Happy Birthday to you, 

Love you always and forever.

two

<

She's two!

Helena, you have the biggest personality. 

You are fearless and shy, super quiet and screaming loud, hilarious and super serious, needy and fiercely independent... all of those things and more all of the time.  

You remind me of a prism, all the colors and all of them are bright. 

These last two years have been amazing watching you grow right into the mix with our family, chasing after Eva and wrestling Theo.  You might even have some hair finally!  

We can't imagine our world without you.  

Happy Birthday Helena!

Love all of us.