8.19.2009

Wednesday Writing

Mama Kat's Wednesday Writing

#5. If these walls could talk...

Funniest thing about this assignment is that I think I am really fooling people. When people ask me: How are things are going? How are you feeling? Are you worried about this or that? I always say things are going fine, I am feeling great and I am not worried about anything. Someone in my office commented on how laid back I was about this whole pregnancy.

I am also a liar.

These walls would tell you that pregnancy has turned me in to (more of) a narcotic – worrywart – crazy lady than I ever have been before in my life.

This morning alone, I worried that I had not gained enough weight and could be stunting the baby’s growth. Then, when I was getting dressed I worried because my jeans were a little tight – I worried that I was going to gain too much weight and never be the same. This was all in a 5 minute span of time here.

Sunday, I was folding some of the clothes Michael and I had picked up over the weekend and this feeling of complete awe came over me. There was going to be this amazing tiny creature in our lives soon, and I just couldn’t wait to meet him/her.

Yesterday night, I was sitting on the couch, and utter fear and terror struck and I started to cry. What if I am not good at this? What if I am terrible actually? The next thought that entered my mind was that I had better stop crying because it would make the baby sad.

This morning on my drive to work – I spent the whole time wondering how being parents would change Michael and me. I drive an hour each way to work, so this was a VERY long thinking session. I know that we will be different, our lives will be different. Are we ready for this? I know we are more ready than we ever could be… but is it enough? I feel like we have so little time together as it is. Michael mentioned the other day how he didn’t like the idea of sharing me. Well I am not too sure how I like the idea of sharing him.

Now looking at these words in black and white – I am tearing up. I am SO looking forward to this, and so dang excited. The idea of seeing this little person, in person gives me goosebumps. Seeing Michael holding our baby for the first time makes my heart race. With all of this love, excitement and anticipation – how can I possibly have all these other feelings?

I am blaming it on the hormones... you hear that walls... it is definitely the hormones.

1 comment:

sarah m said...

You are so funny! It's definitely the hormones. :) You will make an excellent mother though...I think worrying about if you're doing and will do right & wrong is part of the process. :)