Wounds

So this is a departure for me... real personal and could be TMI for some.

So I had my postpartum followup appointment today. I was so proud of myself...

First off - I HATE doctors. I know - weird huh? I married one?!? But in my defense, we did meet when we were 14 years old. And yes he said he wanted to be a doctor - but I also wanted to be the first women president at the time... go figure.

But I really opened up to my doctor and told her the low-down-dirty truth about how things were going. So since I told her - I am going to tell everyone else. (You are everyone else...)

So I have had some issues with recovery from delivering my angel.

• I had an episiotomy. The doctor had no choice - it was pretty bad and to divert a tear into my urinary track... things needed to be done. Now the area is healing - but the scaring is pretty bad and REALLY tender still.
• I have had some urinary track issues - even with the save. When exerting - pulling, pushing or lifting... there is a very small leakage. Nothing terrible, but enough to make me feel bad about it.
• I also gave myself hemorrhoids. Pushing too hard. They are healing now - but still present.
• I have stretch marks. Not just a few, but a map that criss-crosses my belly.
• A week or two ago, I also found my first gray hairs. I found multiples. (Not pregnancy related, at least not directly - but the horror!)
  

So, you can say, I am feeling old and my self confidence is minuscule to say the least. I don't feel sexy or even attractive... I feel geriatric. In addition to all of this, "relations" are slow to begin again - the scaring issue is making things too painful.

But I am still very proud of myself. I talked to my doctor about ALL of these things. We have some plans for fixes... and time heals a lot of things. (Except the gray hairs!) SO things will improve.

I know it is a moment in time that will be over before I know it. I know that others have had it worse. I know that most of the feeling are self induced and self correctable. I know all of these things... but today the only thing that made me feel better is this face:
Yes, that is chocolate pudding... please don't judge. We are still good parents.

It was late and she was staring us down as we ate our bowls. At least it is sugar free.

Just a dot on her paci to taste... most of it ended up on her chin... BUT she loved it!