One of my favorite things...

I love feeding Eva.

I was determined to breastfeed. I knew it would be a challenge. I knew that it was hard. I read and re-read everything I could. In the beginning I looked at it like learning to ride a bike. I was prepared for mistakes, falls, clumsy beginnings, some pain...

I remember being told in our breastfeeding class to imagine breastfeeding our baby. Then she told us that if this image was peacefully breastfeeding our baby while rocking in the rocker, smiling down at the moonlit baby face... loose that image. It would not be pretty picture at first.

And she was right... try sitting on the couch by the light of infomercial TV, so glad that you finally have a good latch and being almost afraid to breath. The whole time wincing in pain because I let her feed with a bad latch the last time. It is hard to breath, wince and change the channel on the TV while trying to stay perfectly still. Even harder still to stay awake when we were doing this dance every hour - all night long.

Then it all clicked. We both got it. It became that pretty image all the time.

There were some bumps in the road - returning to work, pumping, pumping and pumping. Feeling like she always ate an ounce more than I pumped. Hoping she was getting bigger. Praying that my supply would increase and then changing my shirts when it did.

She bit me yesterday... HARD.

I love feeding her. Even when it is 3:30 am and it is hard to keep my eyes open - I love feeding her. There were times when I was back at work that I would look at her sleeping in the middle of the night, wishing and hoping she would wake up so I would feed her. Spend time with her.

It has taught me a lot.
  • Patience - she eats as fast or slow as she wants and she eats when and where ever she wants.
  • Grace - nothing but grace will keep your head up high when your daughter lifts the cover and flashes a group of teenage boys at the mall food court.
  • Humor - I had to laugh at those boys faces.
  • Courage - I needed a lot of it feed her in crowded place.
  • Frustration - when I realized I couldn't wear any of my summer dresses - unless I wanted to lift them up from the hem to feed her.
  • Confidence - I am amazingly well made to keep her healthy and growing.
  • Irony - I hated the idea of a leather couch - until I realized how awesome it was that overspray and milk dribbles have not left a stain.
  • Love - taking time out everyday just to be in love with my daughter - staring at her as she stares at me.
So now as we embark into the world of veggies and fruit... I am a little sad. It won't be long until she doesn't need her mama anymore for dinner.

Thank you baby girl for learning how to do this with me. And until you no longer need me - I will be here. When you no longer need me... I will still be here... in one of those summer dresses.


That Mama Gretchen said...

I'm excited, scared, hopeful, etc. about starting to breastfeed. Thanks for your post. It is a great perspective on the reality of what is to come :)

Erin said...

This was a beautiful post! I finally can say that I love breastfeeding - it took about 5 months to get there, but now it is really amazing! I'm a little sad to be starting solids as well...

Leonie said...

Oh what a lovely post. I loved breast feeding too and reading your post makes me want another baby! My youngest of 3, is about to turn 5 and breastfeeding her was my best experience so far.