1.25.2012

Today

I am having one of those days... kinda reflective and quiet.

As quiet and reflective as it can be with a crazed toddler running laps 
and insisting that each lap has a pit stop to run through your legs...
and you are trying to get her pants on her...
again.

Maybe it was because I talked to an old friend today...
talked about our lives...
and where we we thought we would be.

The lives we had dreamed of when we were 12, 17, and 20...
are not what we are living.
And how lucky were are that dreams don't come true.


Because our lives...
my life...
this life I am in right now is a great one.

So the the 12, 17 and 20 year old me...

About your parents.
I know you don't get them...
and they really don't get you right now.
That is okay.
They have your best interests at heart...
and in the end they are way more right than wrong.
And you will apologize...
and need them more later than you will ever know.
So hold your tongue more, unless you are telling them you love them.

About boys.
Don't worry so much.
There only ever be one for you.
Be patient...
Your heart will break a little, but you are better for it.
The one that really hurt you, you will end up feeling sorry for him.
All the rest that you day dreamed about...
you will struggle to remember their names later - seriously.

About your best friends.
When one moves away your sophomore year, you do live.
And when the other one moves across the country later.... you make it too.
You will miss them, find new friends but never replace them.
You will still talk, but grow apart a bit.
Somehow you never loose touch...
even though sometimes oceans will be between you.
There will be times, over the years, where you go months without a word...
and times where you fall asleep painting each others first homes.
Or thinking of them during midnight baby feedings.
They will beside you and you beside them when"I do's" are said.
Call them more... you will all wish you did.

About that one boy.
You know the one.
You swear it is real, but no one believes you.
You are too young they say... 
and you even believe it and give up.
That is okay too... because you learn a lot.
You will both grow up.
It isn't all a walk in the park... nothing ever is.
But the love is always there... always.
It will work out, and he will be your best friend.
And when you both figure it all out...
it is better than you ever imagined.
He will amaze you more than you will ever know.
So happy ever after.

About babies.
Even though you think you would be fine without them...
and wonder one day if you can have them.
You will be a mommy.
And you are so glad you are...
and it will be more amazing than you ever know.
It will make you more confident and more unsure of yourself in a single breath.
You will smile and cry... at the same time.
And that boy - one you love...
he is the best dad - in the whole world.


I wouldn't have wrote about these thoughts today...
if I hadn't stumbled over here.
Glad I did.

14 comments:

Sarah P said...

GREAT list. I wish I could email it to my 15 year old self!

Seeing Each Day said...

This is so well written and so apt...and just wonderful. Don't lose this piece, I'm sure Eva would love to read it one day. At the end of 2009 i took a little online course through big picture scrapbooking and based on the simple concept and template that was provided, i compiled a book about my life at that point - it was the best thing i'd done for ages and so thought provoking. I hope not too sound presumptious but from your writing style, this concept seems to fit your genre, if you're interested i can email you the link.

hannah singer said...

nessa, this is beautiful. xo

Rachel said...

So sweet, and so true. Love it! :)

Melanie said...

Favorite Nessa post EVER, my friend! Such true, beautiful, yummy words.

Kelly said...

Beautiful. Print this out and save it forever!

Meredith said...

Aw, I love it.

I hope one day, Eva Monster gets to read it :)

Amy said...

there's so much beauty in that dreaming of who you think you'll be. and even more in the person you get to become.

these are lovely thoughts. thanks for sharing them with us.

misc.alaina said...

Nessa, this is just wonderful! So beautifully written. I can totally relate to a lot of it. My life is not what I expected exactly, but I wouldn't change anything about it. (If if were up to my 12 year old self, I would still be single, living it up in the big city with a fancy architecture job, super high heels every day, martinis every night, and coming home to my loft apartment overlooking the lights of the city.)
I am so glad you shared this with us!

Nicole @MTDLBlog said...

This is such a beautiful, lovely way to put this list together. SO heartfelt.....Thank you for linking up! :-)

tinajo said...

Lovely post - and so true. I´d never have guessed back then that my life would look like this now, but I´m very happy it does. :-)

Lori said...

Love this! Makes me wonder what I would have told myself back then. Or what I will look back on later and wish that I knew...

Shawna said...

Oh my goodness that made me tear up.... I think we all would love to take a moment to address our younger selves and let them know that even if our lives aren't what we once dreamed, that they really will turn out for the best. Lovely post... and I'm now a follower.... Amy at A Nest For All Seasons sent me your way!

Carol said...

Love this....one day I hope I'll be writing this to myself about my 34th year...and I'll realize that it was exactly what was meant to be and I am happier/better for it. I hope.