dear deedle

Written January 24, 2014

I did this "day in the life post" that day.

This coffee bean would not be swept up... 

I took a picture because it made me think of a tiny you.

Dear Deedle Bean, 

We have been trying for you.  It was early. After a few minutes - nothing.  A little ache in my heart, but I wasn't expecting it really - just hoping.

I got dressed and came back, went to toss the test and then I saw it... there was a faint second line.  So very faint that I thought my eyes were playing tricks.  I took the test to the window, angled it this way and that way, squinted and even brought out the flashlight on my phone.  

My heart skipped beats then it filled them in at like horses galloping.  

There, in an almost barely visible pink line, was a maybe you.  I took two more tests to compare.  Thank goodness for the bag full of cheapies I bought on amazon.  Back to the windows and again the flashlight.  Yes, Deedle Bean, your mamma might be a little crazy.  Sorry about that.

I tried not to get too excited.  You see, last month I had this same moment.  A faint line and few days of excitement and planning how to tell your daddy.  A week later - instead of a darker line - the line disappeared.  

So here I was on the peak of being so very hopeful and trying not to get my hopes up....  What to do?  I started cleaning.  That is my answer to almost every emotional conflict - clean.

I busied my mind and got the house in ship shape.  Your sisters birthday party is tomorrow and I have a lot to do.  I took photos of our "normal" day and folded laundry.  I tried to keep the silly smile off my face and the ribbon of fear out of my heart.  

But laying here in bed tonight, I can't help but grin from ear to ear.  Stay snug.

Love,

Your hope filled Mamma