9.10.2009

Wednesday Writing

Mama Kats Writing Wednesday

1.) What does marriage mean to you?

Marriage means …

…love.

I think that most people agree that marriage is one of the greatest testimonies to love that two people can share. To promise to stand beside another person, sharing your life with another person and loving another person for your entire life is not just a small pledge. You are promising to nurture this love, this relationship and this person above all others who have came before or will come after. A love without strings, without exceptions and without conditions.

Over the years, I have discovered that it also means loving yourself. I had always thought that if I loved someone enough – that was what mattered most. I was wrong. Loving yourself is so important in any relationship – but especially a marriage. When you are unhappy with yourself – it is almost impossible to be happy with someone else. Even though marriage takes two lives and joins them into one – you are still two distinct individuals with your own needs and wants for life. These desires are should be something that is beneficial to your life and as married couple – but they don’t always perfectly match up, which leads me to …

…compromise and sacrifice.

As you blend the lives of two people, the wants and desires of two individuals – you need to make compromises. You are not always going to get what you want for yourself. That does not mean that these sacrifices should be one sided. You need to love yourself enough to fight for what is most important. You also need to bend and flex as the needs in your marriage change. It is okay to put things on the backburner for a while to benefit your spouse. Just don’t let those things be forgotten.

…honesty and trust.

Living honestly and with trust in your marriage is paramount. I am a pretty guarded person. I keep things and feelings to myself. There are many people who know me, parts of me. There are very few who know the whole me. My husband is one of those. He knows my loves, my wishes, my dreams. He knows my temper, my faults and my fears. Sharing with someone so openly, for me, was frightening. Being honest in a marriage – means sharing these parts of yourself with your spouse. It also means that as the receiver of such trust, you value their honesty.

…learning.

I have learned a lot about myself having been married to Michael. He gets me out of my comfort zone – sometimes kicking and dragging me all the way there… but out none the less. He makes me a better person. I can’t wait to learn how to be a parent with him. I can’t wait to figure out how to stop our screaming baby together, or how to carve out time for us when there seems to be so little time for us now. I know we will figure it out.

…work.

Marriage is not easy. It is work – contestant and vigilant work. It reminds me of my front yard at our old house. (Bear with the lame analogy) Our front yard was my pride and joy. I loved how it looked – roses blooming, flowers spilling over the pots of the front porch. The one thing that I wasn’t ready for was the constant vigilance. The aphids - which I had to learn about then cure. Then the black mold attacked my roses. I knew nothing and was constantly reminded of how little I knew. Then came fall – the pruning, prep work for winter – all to insure the flowers I had fought to save all Spring and Summer came back again. When Spring came – I would start it all over again.

Marriage is like that – it needs constant involvement. You can’t just sit back and enjoy it all the time. You have to get your hands dirty – learn what works – fix the small problems before they overtake you. Call in reinforcements, research information. Celebrate your successes and learn from your failures.

…imperfectly perfect.

There is no perfect marriage or no perfect spouse. You are not a sex goddess everyday and neither is your husband. Plans get changed, people get disappointed, and arguments happen. The perfection lies in the fact that there is no one in this world who I would rather be mad at than Michael. (That sounds bad… but I think you get it) The bad comes with the good – and it makes the good so much better.

3 comments:

La Pixie said...

wow, that is a really great post! I have only been married a short time (5 months today!!), but I am learning exactly what you are talking about. I loved the garden analogy. I almost feel like you wrote this just for me!

Margaret said...

Your analogy was great! Marriage does require constant involvement.

Verily I go. said...

I loved the garden too. Perfect practice. This is wonderful.