Gratitude

I know all women (and men I would think) at one time or another, have had a confidence crisis.

Whether it last moments, days, months or even longer... there are times where you don't feel great about yourself. It could be your looks, your career, your relationship (or lack of), or all of these things rolled into one.

Yesterday - I found myself in the middle of a major one. It has been on the rise for quite a while... but it was completely unexpected - if that at all makes sense.

I had always thought that, being pregnant, I would feel amazing, beautiful, sexy... My body is making another human being. A human that is part me and part my wonderful husband.

What I have been feeling lately is anything but amazing.

I had worked really hard to get in shape over the last year and a half. I dropped some weight, and really toned up. I was feeling great - and I looked great. I loved being in my skin. I know that Michael enjoyed me having all this confidence - walking around the house without a stitch of clothing on, is something that I would normally never do - but for a while - I just felt great.

When I found out we were having a baby - I was so glad that I was starting this pregnancy in great shape. Things would be easier that way - to have a health pregnancy and quick recovery.

Now, I feel so far from that confident person I was before. I feel taken over. My body has changed so fast, I don't even recognize myself in the mirror. The toned arms and legs are gone away. I was sore after climbing a few dozen sets of stairs the other day - sore sore - like I had just completed a full leg workout sore.

I saw a picture of me from last weekend, and my arms looked like noodles - thin, pale and wimpy. The parts of me that are covered with underwear are unrecognizable. The swelling and darkening of all the female areas... nothing is the same.

I know this is talked about - I know this is normal. I know these changes were coming - I just didn't know that it would make me feel so foreign in my own body. I didn't how unattractive and uncomfortable it would make me feel.

This all came to a terrible moment in tears yesterday... my amazing, loving, and very supportive husband had one hell of a mess on his hands. He listened to me, held me and loved me. He made me feel beautiful, special and amazing. He also made me feel like the luckiest woman in the world - to be married to such an amazing man.

I know that most of these changes are temporary. I know that I will never be exactly the same as before - some of the changes will remain. I know that I will have moments where I don't' love what I see in the mirror.

But I also know that Michael will love me - that he will think I am beautiful. I know that I will still feel amazing when I am in his arms - and that matters the most. Us and this little creature we are making. All the rest will fall into place. Even if I don't feel amazingly beautiful and sexy all the time - I do feel loved and so very lucky to have Michael as my husband - so thank you my sweet and wonderfully sexy husband... thank you very much.