18

18 years with you and I wouldn't have it any other way.  

We had grand plans for tonight. 
Sneak in an extra dinner out, talk about the podcast and book we have been reading. 
Soak up conversation and time alone.

But as it goes with us, the kiddos had other ideas. 
Up way too late yesterday, the edges started to fray early and went up like a brush fire
full of tears, crying and emotions.

So you are picking up ramen, and I am typing this as I sooth over some of the edges on the kids.
I am still very excited to sit across from you at the table, probably sharing mine with half of the kiddos
and talk in and around them.

But still it is with you.

I will alway choose you.

Typing Again

A little while ago, to show Eva an old photo, I came back to the blog.
She asked me why I stopped writing.
Then, dissatisfied with my answer, told me I should start again.

She is what brought me here in the first place.
A place to save the stories and to hold onto the memories a little tighter.
It seemed fitting, on her birthday, to come back to writing again. 

Writing to Eva.

Dear one, you turn 12 today. 

Looking for a recent photo of of you, I have lots of pictures in-between to get to you now. 
My camera roll used to be mostly of your sweet face .
Camera shy now unless making crazy faces and taking selfies with your friends. 
Only letting me take this one because Mr. Benjamin was snuggling you
and you wanted it documented.

A lot has happened in 12 years.
Since we walked into the hospital on that cold January morning.
So excited to meet you, our little human, our Deedle.
Your dad and I vibrated down the halls.
Very clueless about this baby raising gig
and even more ignorant of how very clueless we were.
We were ecstatically so.

Of all the things that have changed me the most in my life,
I think almost every single one can be traced to you, to Eva.
Being your mom has made me better, stronger and wiser
than any course, class or self help book could.
Like it or not, you are the very reason Eva isn't an only child
- although you wish for on occasion.
Having 4 kiddos wasn't in my plan, but you changed my mind. 

Over the last year I have learned even more about you.
How did you keep it a secret from me how shy and reserved you are out in the world?
And also, how could I think "real world" Eva and "at home" Eva would be exactly the same?
You listen and take-in all that is around you.
Get nervous and stage fright to the point of sickness.
Somehow manage to look cool as a cucumber when it is showtime. 

The courage and fight you have in that tiny and very long body of yours,
makes me dig deep for my own.  
The way you stand up for what is right
and push back against what isn't is a truly beautiful sight to behold.
You brave girl, push me back on my heels,
make me proud and amazed at the same time.

As we enter into these teen years, I know the learning has just begun for me.
I trust you to lead the way, and know I will love you and walk beside you through it.
Even, Eva when you become taller than me. 
Only 1/2 inch to go.  

Happiest Birthday my Eva.

surprise

Arriving July 2017!!!

That's right folks, we are going to be a family of 6 this summer!

We are super excited and can't wait to meet this little person that will complete our family. 

We found out November 1st, but waited to tell the kids right before Christmas.  

The kiddos are all convinced we are having a baby brother.  No matter how we try and explain that it is pretty much a 50/50 split on being a boy or girl, they aren't listening.  Only time will tell, I guess.  Michael and I are very tempted to see what this little one is at the ultrasound, but breaking a tradition of delivery room surprise is tough.  We have a few more weeks before we have to decide... 

Eva has been asking for another baby since Helena was born.  She likes all things to be even, and three as you know is not an even number.   We were pretty sure we were all done a year ago.  Sure to the point we passed on baby and maternity things.  Our family of 5 was feeling perfect. 

Then the kids started asking and asking.  They quickly recruited their daddy on their team.  I was coming along to the idea, but I was quite surprised to see it happen for real.  Lets just say that sometimes those handy tracking apps can be really, really wrong. 

So here we are, second trimester and counting.  I am finally feeling human again and it is wonderful.  I think this has been the sickest pregnancy so far, and I was feeling that advanced maternal age, hardcore. There have been significant baby thumps felt and even Michael has felt this wiggle-worm a time or two.  It was extremely exciting to feel them this early.  Grow Deedle grow.

first season

First year of soccer for Theo is in the books.

Lots of hilarious antics as four and five year-olds stormed the field every Saturday.

There were side games of Star Wars, tag and who can do a cartwheel being played at any given time.

Water breaks were when ever someone decided to get up and leave the field.  Parents took turns pointing kids in the right direction, constantly reminding them to stand up, and not to pick up the ball.

You scored two goals: one that was in the wrong net and the other was from mid-field...

it slowly rolled past all the other backfield players - who were playing a game of what looked like freeze tag - that by the time in went in, none of the kids were paying attention.  It was technically an assisted goal, because it bounced off another kids foot, but she was trying to do a flip and not looking in the direction of the ball at all.  But I give you full credit.

It was a great first season.

Halloween

Dressing up, going to grandma and grandpa's, and getting loads of candy.

Three of my favorite people favorite things.

No wonder they are all smiles.

You guys reallylike handing out candy too.  Spreading the love.

Happy Halloween!

birthday

Knowing that the moment all three kiddos sang Happy Birthday to you, 

together, three times in a row, 

was one of the best parts of your birthday...

That is why your the very best husband and dad in our world - as Eva would say.

Happy Birthday to you, 

Love you always and forever.

two

<

She's two!

Helena, you have the biggest personality. 

You are fearless and shy, super quiet and screaming loud, hilarious and super serious, needy and fiercely independent... all of those things and more all of the time.  

You remind me of a prism, all the colors and all of them are bright. 

These last two years have been amazing watching you grow right into the mix with our family, chasing after Eva and wrestling Theo.  You might even have some hair finally!  

We can't imagine our world without you.  

Happy Birthday Helena!

Love all of us.

Evidence: Made Up

Someone found my lip stain.

I like it because it lasts a long time... you know, it stains well.

It took the stripes on the back of her head a few days to finally wear off.

And that glare... yeah I get that a lot.  

I am still in training I guess, and not doing well.  Not doing well at all.

getting sauced

My Eva has been having some big emotions lately, especially when things don't go the way she thinks they should.   It is hard to be 6 and especially hard to be the oldest kiddo.  I know.

So Eva and I are in her room talking it out.  Working through a bad morning and trying to get the day back on track.  Theo and Helena were playing in the living room.  I could hear them.  A little giggle now and then, but no yelling or crying.  Things seemed to be going well.  

A little too well I guess.  Because then things were really, really quiet for way too long. 

I should have know things were going too well...

An entire, very full bottle of chocolate sauce.  It was everywhere.  The couch had puddles and the floor had footprints.  They were covered head to toe.  Helena's head had so much sauce that when Theo would put his hand on her head she would literally stick to him.

It took 4 bath towels to clean up the couch and floor.  I still keep finding sticky spots.

Good news, as Theo said, "Mommy we just taste so good!" as I was telling him to stop licking his sister.  And it make pulled Eva out of her bad mood, she laughed until she cried... eventually I did too.

Four

Happy Happy Birthday Theo!!!

Wow buddy!
I seriously can't believe you're four years old,
but you are so awesome at being four - I think it is the greatest age ever.
You crawled into bed last night because "daddy was gone and I was alone."
So awesome that you are worried about me.

And the Minion shirt.
I think I need a uniform of them to keep you happy.
Kevin is your favorite and it is so cute how you know their names.  

You are such a little man now.

So kind, so curious and so loving.

Your big heart and sideways grin slays me everytime.  

Happy Four Years Little Man.

All our love.

sprinkler

Sprinkler time.

Ballet

First ballet recital.

The freckles were killing me.

And Theo choose his Aunt Carri's lap for his nap during the show...

my momma

photo credit: Miss Eva

I asked the kiddos what we should say to you today. And so you know, they are standing right here as I type and you better believe Eva is reading and making sure I type their words correctly!

You are the best grandma in the world.
You are a silly Grandma.
I like her so much.
I love her 200 million minutes loving.
I want to live at her house and we love it there.
Yayyyy Goggy Goggy. Yayyyy
Grandma does the best big hugs.
You make me the greatest peanut butter and jellies in the world.
They love you with their entire world and big heart.

They could go on for days and barely scratch the surface.  Thanks mom for being the best.  I love you with my entire world heart too.  Happiest Mother's Day to you.

painting

Helena paints...

and if you notice her paper is still blank, not a drop of paint on it.

secret trail

<

It was our first trip of the year down the secret path.  We had heard that Dairy Queen was open for business and it was an amazing day out... well so had the rest of the free word.  The line was wrapped around the building.  It was almost bedtime and meltdowns were imminent... so we hit up the quick-stop and watch a crazy machine turn tubs of ice cream into milkshakes.  The kids were amazed and it might be their new favorite.  Theo also has some mad bike skills, he shake-drove the whole way home.

stuffed

Helena brought another first parenting moment upon us... having something stuck in a body orifice.  It is amazing we made it to the third kiddo before it happened, really.  

It was really way up there - it looked like she had a growth near the bridge of her nose and at first I had no idea what it was.  How she managed to get it up that far, I can't even tell you - her fingers aren't that long.

I managed to get it out with Michael's direction.  A little mouth-to-mouth puffs of air while holding the other nostril shut - it popped right out.  A little black button.  As you can imagine, holding her down and making that happen was not the easiest or quietest thing in the world.  Little lady was furious, but really happy to see her shiny button again.  She was just as furious when I made it disappear into the trash.

a day

A day in our lives....
A favorite blog of mine - Hi Julia! - does this on the regular and I swore I would get it done.
I finally did - although a little late for her link-up.

Date: Tuesday, April 5, 2016
Almost a full month ago - yes, I know.

3:05am

There is a little lady fussing at me over the baby monitor.  I wake up feeling like I am in the wrong bed, but I am not, I am just on the wrong side of the bed.  Michael is staying overnight in Columbus to take his boards.  For some reason, I always sleep on his side of the bed when he's gone.  By the time I get out of bed, take a restroom break and get to Helena's bed - she back asleep.  Hooray!

6:11am

Theo's up and in bed with me cuddling. 

(Or really kicking me in the ribs and jumping up and down in the bed.)

6:25am

I give up on sleeping anymore and admit defeat.  We head to the kitchen for coffee and waffles.  He is such a morning person.  All wide-eyed and excited about it being "morning time!"

7:10am

Eva's up and disappointed that my bed is made and she doesn't get to cuddle in it.

7:45am

I am showered and we are all dressed for the day.  Well all except Helena... she is still snoozing.


8:30am
I hadk to wake up Helena and get her ready while she was angry with me about being woken up.  Meaning she screamed and yelled the entire way to the car.  We get to Eva's kindergarten bus pick-up and drop her off.


8:35am
We are at Theo's preschool.  He plays with his friends while we wait on his teachers to open the classroom.


8:45am
The classroom is open and Theo hangs his coat under his "big name" and heads to class.

9:10am

I am home. I cleaned out the car and made a smoothie.  I am alternating between the smoothie and coffee as I put all the junk away from my car.  It is insane how fast stuff piles up in there.  I also rotate the kids toys in their room.  It has been a while.

10:10am

We head over to our community's weekly playgroup.  To make sure I went - I signed up to be in charge of it.  Sometimes this introvert needs responsibility and accountability to get me out there socializing.  (There are tons of toys - but these two prefer the coffee table.)

11:15am

It is pick-up time for Theo.  He is glad to see us.

11:35am

I am making lunch, unloading the dishwasher and rescuing dinosaurs from the sink.

12:05pm

Lunch time!  The littles are telling stories and making burp sounds as entertainment.  I really should sell tickets for this comedy hour.

12:35pm
Theo realizes that there are different toys on his shelves.  He is so excited!  "My big megos are back!!!" He and Helena are playing away so I decided to get a little reading a writing done.

12:50pm

My dulpo building skills are being requested so I head into the kids' room to play.  We build planes and a garage.  After a bit, Helena starts fussing and eye rubbing.

1:10pm

I am feeding and snuggling little Helena.  We sing, we snuggle and she falls asleep until I lay her down and they she screams until I snuggle her again.

1:40pm

I give up, decided maybe her teeth are bothering her and head out to give her some meds and check on Theo.  She is obviously exhausted, but not having a nap.

2:05pm

Head into the extremely quiet living room to find that Theo has decided a nap is a grand idea.  

2:15pm
I start cleaning out a cabinet.  Find a few things I haven't used a good long time and add them to our donation pile.  Not pictured is the lower cabinet that Helena was cleaning out for me.

2:30pm

Helena is tired of cabinets. We check the mail and she helps me sort the ads from yesterday's paper.  Helena is a good sorter.

2:55pm

We head up to pick-up Eva from the bus and it is raining and spitting ice.  Theos grumpy because I had to wake him up to go.  We get everyone back in the car and head home.  I hate driving and in APril it should not be threatening snow - but here it is anyway.  I pull in and find my nap-hater is napping.  The irony.

<

3:25pm

We have had snacks and Helena is still sleeping.  The kiddos are playing Wii.  Eva's favorite thing is to make Wii people and Theo liked to help.

3:55pm

Helena is up and I am prepping dinner and getting Eva dressed for ballet.  This is a touchy time of day but we manage to get it done without tears.  Miracle!!

4:30pm

Today ballet has an open house so I get to sit in the room and watch - instead of sneaking peeks through the door.  Helena and Theo both are great about watching Eva dance.  I can't help but get all mushy inside when he yells out, "Great job Eva!" in the middle of some jumping.

5:15pm

Michael gets home.  He is pretty wore out from taking the test all day and worrying about/trying not to worry about the test for weeks.  We have dinner - Michael picked up take-out on his way home so I never had to cook and tomorrow's dinner was prepped ahead.  Nice!

After dinner, Eva shows her daddy her Mario Brothers skills.

6:45pm

We head out on a walk.  It's freezing but we bundle up and head out to get some fresh air.  We head back home for some chocolate milk and snuggles before bed.

7:40pm

I am getting Helena to bed and Michael gets the big kids.  I love snuggling sleeping babies.

8:40pm

Kids are all asleep and I am cleaning up.  Michael is working on some things for work.  Dish washer is running and I fold up some laundry.  I have been listening to the Modern Love podcast.  This episode was a funny one.

9:30pm

We are getting ready for bed and I try to do a little reading, but I don't last long.  I think I am asleep before 10:00.